1. |
Never Hurt the Band
01:25
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Welcome to the Dog & Bastard
Wendar's best place to get plastered
There's just one rule to understand
And that is NEVER HURT THE BAND
We'll give you all plus one to save
PLEASE JUST KEEP US FROM THE GRAVE
So, come on, take a music stand
AND KEEP THOSE VAMPIRES OFF THE BAND
And if it isn't too much trouble
Please attempt to keep the rubble
Off our brand new baby grand
AND ALSO NEVER HURT THE BAND
If you manage not to fail
We might just offer discount ale (spoken: MAYBE.)
So won't you lend a helping hand?
GOOD DRINKERS NEVER HURT THE BAND
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2. |
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The Church of the Traveller is sacred to me G Csus4 G ( Gsus4 G )
Sometimes I'm moved to get down on my knees G Csus4 C (Csus4 C)
(Darryl likes that.)
It's not that I'm shamed that you've found me defrocked G Csus4 G (Gsus4 G)
But don't you adventurers know how to knock?! F C G
(I'M JUST ASKING.)
I'm glad that you heeded my other song's call
So my band wasn't hurt in your vampire pub brawl
But my gratitude's definitely going to fade
If you don't move along while I'm trying to get laid
It's not often a wizard's respectfully hushed
Or are you just impressed? Oh, you've made Darryl blush!
(He's just jealous, honey)
Weren't you all going to Vals-- ...you know what, I don't care.
If you must, you can stay here. HOW ABOUT UPSTAIRS.
Take a hint.
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3. |
Just. One. Job.
01:30
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Your party seemed impressive G
When you visited my inn F C
When you didn't die in church F C
I thought "these guys are out to win!" G
I'll give them JUST ONE JOB G
For which I'm sure they're qualified F C
Let me tag along to Wendar F C
And make sure that I don't die G
Did you notice? That last part?
PRETTY SURE I SPECIFIED
I should have checked your references
Before this sorry venture
I might have noticed "Right! The gang
Who LOST all of their mentors."
LOST. LOST THEM.
You guys had JUST ONE JOB
And it wasn't even hard
Not an epic quest or mission
Just TRY NOT TO LOSE THE BARD
You seemed so tough and skillful
So resourceful and so clever
But you just let me be kidnapped
So like, WORST COMPANIONS EVER
You guys had JUST ONE JOB
Please just keep me far from perils
Next time you folks come around
I'll stay home with my Darryls
Assuming I EVER GET HOME. Did I mention you let me be KIDNAPPED.
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4. |
Thad's Back, Baby
01:53
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The first time I met good old Thaddeus Tomb
The smell coming off him would clear out a room
All recollection of that powerful funk
Is gone now I know how he tips when he's drunk
He'll buy the next round! He'll buy the next round!
If you don't know who I mean you're gonna have to look down
He may not be tall, pure of heart, or a hunk
But by god the gnome's generous when he is drunk!
Where's his cash from? You should probably not ask
Just enjoy the largesse that flows out from his flask
He's a bold and heroic explorer, I bet!
I don't ask that kind of question while he keeps my throat wet
He'll buy for the room! He'll buy for the room!
Raise a toast to that treasure-lord Thaddeus Tomb!
The ladies can tell you he's sure not a monk!
Let's all sing out CHEERS to that glorious drunk!
In the morning's he's off for adventure's enjoyment
Or whatever he does in place of gainful employment
May your fingers be quick! May your sword freely stab!
May you come back alive and pay off your tab
He'll buy the next round! He'll buy the next round!
If you don't know who I mean you're gonna have to look down
He may not be tall, pure of heart, or a hunk
But by god the gnome's generous when he is drunk!
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5. |
800 Years of Glaring
01:30
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800 years of glaring
My anger increasing the longer I stood here alone
800 years of glaring
Waiting for someone to free my flesh from the stone
And thanks for that, but I can't say I'm surprised
That when shit goes south I run in to... you guys
Seriously, what is it with you heart's delvers.
800 years of glaring
Reaching to strangle my agent with marble hands
800 years of glaring
I'm the kind of girl who prefers one-night stands
What year is it now? Is my music forgotten?
Is my family all right? Are my Darryls still hot?
The gnome Darryls were... not the same.
800 years of glaring
My furious face transformed from fire to ice
800 years of glaring
Glaring and wishing I'd read the contract twice
800 years of glaring
800 years of glaring
800 years of... compound interest
GUYS WE ARE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE AND I AM GOING TO HELP
*inspire courage*
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6. |
Melindarokinian Anthem
02:10
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Hail to Melindarokin! Our home and seat of trade!
Whose fertile Streel Plain e'er ensures our debts will be repaid!
Where every firstborn's name is Darryl!
A tradition passed down through the years
It's confusing but we must appease our bard
She Whose Cheques Will Always Clear
Hail to Melindarokin! Land of the Vulluvette's sweet groove!
Bow down and praise her albums or your loans won't be approved! Though many years have passed without her
Her bearded messenger made plain
The Diva shall one day return to us
And collect her vast capital gains
Hail to Melindarokin! Our beloved native land!
Our mighty navy stands ready for the Battle of the Bands!
Our chancellors must learn the banjo
Just one of our Bard Queen's many rules
Some of them may seem capricious
But she's REALLY rich and we're not fools
Hail to Melindarokin! Our home and seat of trade!
Whose fertile Streel Plain e'er ensures our debts will be repaid!
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7. |
Every Darryl
01:46
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They ask the bard can I hear a song
Proclaiming love
For my one and only
It isn't hard - the list is long
Of ballads for
Your one and only
But when the bard goes home at night
Does she sing those songs
No, fuck that noise!
For some just one may be all right
But not for me
I need my boys
ALL MY BOYS
...and Darrelena, she's my favourite
ALL MY BOYS
Had better make it back alive
So adventurers! going in to peril!
Heroes of the hourglass and the blade!
Spoken: And fire. Why is everything on fire with you people.
Adventurers: BRING BACK _EVERY_ DARRYL
IF ADVENTURERS WANT TO GET PAID
Adventurers. I trust my point's been made.
Go get 'em! Please?
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Brooke Abbey Vancouver
Brooke Abbey (formerly Brooke Lunderville) is a banjo-playing pharmacist from Vancouver, BC.
Brooke Abbey recommends:
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