I'd like to be a felon on the ten most wanted list C G C C7
I haven't yet decided what great crime I should commit F F C G
I could steal a battleship or tap the whitehouse phone F F C F
The secret service would make sure I never was alone F C G7 C

It's just so nice when someone knows your name F C
And special agents track you down F
And people pay to have you drowned C G
I mean, it's nice when someone knows your name G C

I'd like to be the answer to a Sunday crossword clue
And people would write in to Mr. Shortz to say “How could you?”
“We puzzlers like a challenge, we puzzlers like to think,”
“But this one was so obvious, we wrote the name in ink.”

It's just so nice when someone knows your name
And your birthday party's headline news
And papparazzi follow you
I mean, it's nice when someone knows your name

I'd like to be the first name in the phone directory book
So lonely telemarketers would not have far to look
And frat boys whose fine motor skills have been dissolved by beer
Won't find it overtaxing to breathe heav'ly in my ear

It's just so nice when someone knows your name
And writes it on the flimsy walls
Of ill-reputed bathroom stalls
I mean, it's nice when someone knows your name

I'd like for some religious sect to think I was their god
It would be such a comfort as through lonely life I plod
For somedays you're the statue, and somedays you're the pigeon
But someone always loves you when you've got your own religion

It's just so nice when someone knows your name
And you have a jewel-encrusted crown
And minions follow you around
I mean, it's nice when someone knows your name