And it's way hey, me lads, click on refresh again A - D A There might be a new posting by one of your friends D A E7 - Yes it's way hey, me boys, leave a comment or two A - D A It's not like you've got something better to do D A E7 A It's a hard life a-workin' the livejournal trail Am - Em Am Updating all day and all night without fail Am - Dm Am If I didn't, I know that you would be a wreck, as Am - Dm Am You'd never discover what I had for breakfast Dm Am E7 Am And it's way hey, me lads... And it's upload the icons, change your colour scheme Am - Em Am Answer new quizzes, HAUL AWAY at the memes Am - Dm Am Write a lengthy disclaimer for your profile page Am - Dm Am Advising discretion for those under age Dm Am E7 Am And it's way hey, me lads... And let's bitch 'cause they changed the UI without telling Am - Em Am My icon's a goat now and it won't check my spelling Am - Dm Am I don't ask for much, but I'd like to be told Am - Dm Am When the parent company's parent company's Dm Am parent company's parent company's Dm Am parent company's parent company's Dm Am company's been sold E7 Am And it's way hey, me lads... I'm not scared that I'll be found by my employer Am - Em Am If they fire me I'll get an EFF lawyer Am - Dm Am But I'm still going to lock all my entries away Am - Dm Am My mother learned how to use Google today Dm Am E7 Am And it's way hey, me lads, click on refresh again A - D A There might be a new posting by one of your friends D A E7 - Yes it's way hey, me boys, leave a comment or two A - D A It's not like you've got something better to do D A E7 A Yeah, you haven't got anything better to do D A E7 A

You're a Phillips-head bit and I'm a Pozidriv screw Cm G F Cm We've got so much in common but you're stripping me away Cm Bb F Cm You're an ethernet cable hoping I'll connect with you Cm G F Cm I just want a crimping tool to make you terminate Cm Bb F Cm Honey, this will never work. G Cm You're the wrong next block in tetris Eb You're a brand new etch-a-sketch Bbm But I don't wanna draw a square Cm You're co-ax; I'm twisted pair G I'm an SML compiler Eb And you keep writing GOTOs Bbm Whenever you're a perfect 10 Cm I'm playing Sudoku G You are Captain Kirk's phaser; I am King Arthur's sword You're a sixteen-letter word and I'm a Scrabble board You want to triple word score but you'll never fit my grid You're a pricetag on a sticker; I'm an ebay auction bid I'm afraid you're not my type. You're the wrong next block in tetris You're a brand new etch-a-sketch But I don't wanna draw a square You're co-ax; I'm twisted pair I'm an SML compiler And you keep writing GOTOs Whenever you're a perfect 10 I'm playing Sudoku We run on different voltages and there's no adapter I'm a herbivorous mammal; You're a velociraptor You stay up all night and I am strictly diurnal The chipset on your mainboard's not supported by my kernel Honey, this will never work. You're the wrong next block in tetris You're a brand new etch-a-sketch But I don't wanna draw a square You're co-ax; I'm twisted pair I'm an SML compiler And you keep writing GOTOs Whenever you're a perfect 10 I'm playing Sudoku I'm afraid you're not my type. G Cm F Runtime error: type mismatch. G Cm

When I first read The Hobbit, it was true love at first sight C F C F And The Lord of the Rings moved me just the same C F C F I couldn't put them down, I'd stay up reading them all night C F C F And when I'd hit the end I'd start again F G In short Tolkien was my god Am But I feel like such a fraud Em And you'll know why when you hear me say: F G to G7 I fell asleep reading the Silmarillion C G C Though I tried so very hard to stay awake Am G7 Was it the genealogical charts? The poems in ninety two parts? Am Em There's something about that book I just can't take F G I fell asleep reading the Silmarillion C G C Maybe it was those weird albino trees Am G7 Beruthiel the Fair? It's just so hard to care! Am Em Oh, professor, couldn't you spice it up for me? F G It isn't that I don't like the obscure things that he wrote C F C F I wrote a paper 'bout Appendix A C F C (F) C minus. I'm so misunderstood. I'll admit that Roverandom didn't really float my boat C F C F But at least I could stay conscious the whole way F G I read his parts of the OED Am Even the one on“letter E” Em But it didn't stop my narcoleptic ways when: F G to G7 I fell asleep reading the Silmarillion C G C Illuvatar's just not an action hero Am G7 I need Galadriel to whip me up a magic spell Am Em To bump my interest level up from zero F G I fell asleep reading the Silmarillion C G C On my first attempt and every one thereafter Am G7 I feel for those dark ring lords – they weren't evil, they were bored! Am Em Better the one ring than one more chapter F G My library has got a really fine Tolkien collection C F C F And the librarian who works there's really... deep. C F C F I wanted to impress him with my erudite selection C F C F So I grabbed the Silmarillion! ...and fell asleep F G With a gentle shoulder tap Am He woke me from my Tolkien nap Em And said “I thought I was the only one!” F G to G7 Who falls asleep reading the Silmarillion C G C I know I'm supposed to love it, but I can't Am G7 And I think I need not mention that the elf-girls at conventions Am Em Are never going to give me an elf chance (at their elf pants...) F G So now we fall asleep reading the Silmarillion C G C A thousand boring elves with boring names Am G7 Yes, we fall asleep reading the Silmarillion F G C And do you know what, yes, I'll tell you what, we're not ashamed! F G F G C (G C)

capo 2 Am G Am G Am G Am G The mountain's snowy top and face of spar Am G Em Reflect the moon's serene, indifferent rays Em Am G Am And Venus when she is an evening star Am G Em Is undiminished now by lingering day Em Am G Am Orion's distant sword swings overhead F G C Am In blessing or in threat? No one can say. F G Am Em No omen is discerned, no portents read F G C Am The meaning of the stars is not betrayed F G Am Em to me. Am G Am G Am G Am G Through pale and starveling days we bleakly wait Am G Em For darkness to be spent and so retreat Em Am G Am For winter to renounce her cold estate Am G Em And coax the creeping springtime's mellow heat Em Am G Am Orion's distant sword swings overhead F G C Am In blessing or in threat? No one can say. F G Am Em No omen is discerned, no portents read F G C Am The meaning of the stars is not betrayed F G Am Em to me. Am G Am G Am G Am

capo 3 I feel like a lost moon G Dm (shampoo, rinse, repeat) Hopelessly circling what used to be your favourite place I wish you'd come back soon It's harder each orbit to act like it's not empty space We don't have to become a binary pair I just want to reside inside your light cone Won't you give me a sign that you are still there Gravitation's a game that you can't play alone Ahhh..... Em Eb Bb Dm G I feel like a lost moon Hopelessly circling what used to be your favourite place I wish you'd come back soon It's harder each orbit to act like it's not empty space I have searched every quadrant of the night sky But your heavenly body is not to be found How long must I wait to hear your reply? I keep calling your name, but no echo rebounds Ahhh..... Em Eb Bb Dm G I feel like a lost moon Hopelessly circling what used to be your favourite place I wish you'd come back soon It's harder each orbit to act like it's not empty space

Let me tell you the story, as sad as it's true Am - Dm Am Of the 17 men of the Easthill Mine crew F Am E Am They were digging for copper for telephone wires Am - Dm Am When the pitshaft was blocked by a terrible fire F Am E - Escape was cut off by the flames and the ash Am - F - Yet they might have been rescued but for that ship crash F Am Dm E Let me tell you the story, as sad as it's true Am - Dm Am Of the 48 sailors and the 17 men of the Easthill Mine crew F Am F Am E Am (etc) The S.S. Kentucky was badly off course To've arrived in the tailing pond instead of the port She ran aground in the smoke at the top of the mine Which also obscured the rail passenger line Let me tell you the story, as sad as it's true Of the 94 train passengers, 48 sailors and the 17 men of the Easthill Mine crew Though your train's engineer may be valiant and skilled If your train hits a steamship, you're bound to be killed Yet this terrible wreck would have caused much less fuss If the train had avoided that yellow school bus Let me tell you the story, as sad as it's true Of Miss Mullen's first grade class, the 94 train passengers, 48 sailors and the 17 men of the Easthill Mine crew Those poor tots and their teacher were on a school visit To the Easthill Mine's Safety Museum exhibit Their passing was tragic but mercifully fast - They probably never saw the puppies caught in the blast Let me tell you the story, as sad as it's true Of the 8 orphan puppies, Miss Mullen's first grade class, the 94 train passengers, 48 sailors and the 17 men of the Easthill Mine crew The dogs had been rescued that day from the pound And those brave orphan pups to a new life were bound To a school to be trained as guide dogs for the blind But their truck's awful luck took them past Easthill Mine And they avoided the mineshaft F Am And the ship and the train wrecks F Am And they swerved around the burning school bus F Am When suddenly a jet containing 50 tiny babies and the only sample of the cure for cancer crashed in to them in a fiery explosion whose unlikely seismic repercussions triggered a volcanic eruption! (F Am) Ohhhhh! E And that was the story, as sad as it's true Am - Dm Am Of the lava-covered major urban centres of the eastern seaboard, the 50 tiny babies, the lost cure for cancer, the 8 orphan puppies, Miss Mullen's first grade class, the 94 train passengers, 48 sailors and the 17 men of the Easthill Mine crew (F Am) E Am

Bad ideas got my home address Am E They send me chain letters, and I confess Am I have been tempted to forward them to you - F F7 E E7 E What can I say, it's what they tell me to do E Dm Am E7 Am I know I'm foolish, but it ain't my fault Am E I was born without my grain of salt Am So when the devil gives me stock tips and love advice F F7 E E7 E It sounds like sense as best I can scrutinize E Dm Am E7 Am I used to get so upset when Dm I put my foot in my mouth Am Dm Am I guess I've come to terms with Dm How it ain't ever gonna come out E7 So when I've been nine kinds of moron, I Am E Just wait for number ten to arrive Am I can't avoid it so I don't pout or sulk - F F7 E E7 E I just save myself some money and do it in bulk E Dm Am E7 Am (break) No, there ain't no self-improvement plan Am E for someone of my attention span Am I just alternate my boredom with my denial F F7 E E7 E I've given up - I just try to be stupid with style E Dm Am E7 Am Yes, I've given up - I just try to be stupid with style E Dm Am E7 Am

The moment I met you, I took a dislike Em Am You were surly and rude; we were too much alike Dm Am Now my heart's only wish is to keep faith with you G Am F But all I can offer's rosemary and rue Em Am F Rosemary and rue, rosemary and rue G Am By cut grass and copper, just this can I offer Am - Em Am A lonely bouquet of rosemary and rue. Am G E Am Like a fool I believed when your green-apple eyes Em Am Proclaimed me a hero in apple-green lies Dm Am I gave you my oath that I would help you flee G Am F I promised to save you; instead you saved me Em Am F Rosemary and rue, rosemary and rue G Am By cut grass and copper, just this can I offer Am - Em Am A lonely bouquet of rosemary and rue. Am G E Am The curse of the evening roses may fade Em Am but your dying glance at me a new curse has laid Dm Am It was not I who killed you, but I who betrayed G Am F And I'll count now forever the cost that you paid Em Am F Rosemary and rue, rosemary and rue G Am By cut grass and copper, just this can I offer Am - Em Am A lonely bouquet of rosemary and rue. Am G E Am By rowan and ash, that is all I can do Am G Am

capo 2 We came to your world after your final war Am E Continents blackened and burnt E D We would not interfere D F In your suicide F Am But curious we sought out your surviving few As you are drawn to compete We are drawn to explore We should have left you alone In your bodies we found your great contradiction D Am Intelligence beholden to your hierarchical drive D Am The destruction you carry within D A colour you can't see F It terrifies us Am But in your bodies too we found your beautiful cancer The power to grow a new limb, to heal from death's door We are genetic collectors Hungry for newness We are seduced by you It's been two hundred fifty years since we arrived The Earth has cooled enough For us to wake you from Your temporary peace When we join with you your conflict may destroy us both Too late for us to say no Welcome to the Dinso Lilith Iyapo

Lost my job at the paper (The Evening Times-Slander) Cm G And it seems people don't want to hire a crook G Cm But I finally found someone with low enough standards: Cm G Mad Scientist urgently seeks live-in cook G Cm G Cm (evil laugh) He says I must hunch and say "Master!" with deference Cm G But I can't be too picky when money's this tight G Cm And I'm pretty sure he won't be calling my reference Cm G And I get all day off 'cause he only works nights G Cm G Cm Now, the kitchen equipment is somewhat unorthodox Cm G There's lava and hydrogen gas in the taps G Cm There are blackmarket kidneys and hearts in the icebox Cm G It's not like back home - but I've learned to adapt! G Cm G Cm I make eye of newt and tail of adder C F flame broiled on a jacob's ladder G C I bring my stews to a rolling boil C F In a saucepan on a tesla coil G G7 My bunsen burner's gentle rays C F Warm my goat's blood hollandaise G C When I'm in a rush I look in C F Lovecraft's guide to microwave cooking G G7 (Ah, the nuke-ronomicon! Chapter 1: Tapioca.) This job isn't perfect; I'm paid in gold fillings Cm G The blood-spattered labcoat is not quite my size G Cm I'd prefer a métier with less ritual killing Cm G But quitting involves my untimely demise G Cm G Cm (I don't wanna be the clapped-in-irons chef!) So I serve zombie wine from haunted casks C F in frosty erlyn-meyer flasks G C Cheese fondue for Frankenstein's munster C F Poison brew for incurable punsters G G7 Embalming fluid man-fillets C Haunted druid canapés C Deep-fried school bus C7 Hummus of homunculus C7 Uranium coleslaw F Chicken à la chain saw F Rack of sacrifical lamb D Maple-crusted huma-- "ham" G7 G It ain't easy to work here but I'm optimistic Cm G That my evil employer will soon come to grief G Cm I don't intend murder, but I read statistics: Cm G Mad scientist lifespans are typically brief G Cm G Cm So when boss summons demons who rightly take umbrage Cm G Or doesn't give lightning its proper respect G Cm Or carelessly slips as he's crossing the drawbridge Cm G Or gets burned at the stake - I know what to expect. G Cm G Cm For I've secretly copied the vault's combination Cm G I'm ready to empty it, then run away G Cm I'll stop by the dungeon and free all the virgins Cm G (They'll make great... waitresses) And I'm opening my own Mad Science café! G Cm G Cm

Persephone or Whitefall, Earth-that-was - It doesn't matter where From the core to the borderlands, there's no Man can fill this empty chair River is our pilot now, and I'm trying to move ahead But when I look across at her There's a ghost I see instead There ought to be a dinosaur, above the console lights A prehistoric battle scene, to make me feel all right But the plastic palm tree's gone, with the only one who might With dinos play My pilot's Washed away He pulled off our escape, so Close, it seemed a miracle to land One moment of relief until we Learned the cruel trick fate had planned We all knew it was risky The Alliance to defy And it's nothing I can't handle You know I've seen men die Still there really ought to be a dinosaur, right there in easy reach Whimsical fake reptiles on a wee Jurassic beach But they're gone and silent now, with the one who used to teach Us all to smile Across the black miles Zoe steps in the control room Still dressed in mourning white Her face tells as little as ever Her hands hold a small box tight She opens it slowly and takes out A set of plastic figurines "We both know these belong here," she says, And sets them on the radar screen I pick up the tyrannosaur I haven't seen since his last day "Mine is an evil laugh!" I can almost hear him say I look up to meet her stare, and I find we both are wearing A sad grin - maybe we can begin Without our leaf on the wind

A Amaj7 A Amaj7 There are blank white dawns in August A Amaj7 When the sun has burned the colour out of the sky A Amaj7 A7 There may be thunder claps and lightning D Bm But when the storm is over you're already dry D Bm E7 E There are blank white skies in winter, too A When the clouds stand shoulder to shoulder promising rain A Amaj7 A7 And they're so earnest, they're so faithful D Bm As they prosecute their rounds, I feel I should not complain D Bm E7 E But I am wet, so wet D Bb D My bones are sodden and damp A E I am wet, so wet D Bb D I am marked with winter's stamp A E Wet, so wet D Bb D For February speaks with only one voice: A Amaj7 A7 It's rain or rain, this isn't multiple choice D Bm E7 A Amaj7 A Amaj7 You can't shake the weather off, A Amaj7 It settles in to you closer than your own name A Amaj7 A7 You can set yourself on fire D Bm But when the smoke is over you will feel the same D Bm E7 E Wet, so wet D Bb D That moss grows on your north side A E Wet, so wet D Bb D That the moon imposes a tide A E Wet, so wet D Bb D For February speaks with only one voice: A Amaj7 A7 It's rain or rain, this isn't multiple choice D Bm E7 A It's rain or rain, this isn't multiple choice D Bm E7 A

I finished your book and Dm I'm back in the real world A7 and feeling unshakably blue Cm G The writing was great Dm and the ending was fitting A7 I've got no complaints except one: Cm G it's over G I just want to read it again for the first time Dm G fall in love with the hero again Dm Gsus4 G be charmed by your magic, surprised by your villains Dm G and discover the place where I'm home Dm Gsus4 G Gsus4 G I stare at that last page and Dm close my eyes briefly and A7 try to transport myself there Cm G I flip the page over Dm there's an ad from your publisher A7 but no magic door Cm G to that land G I just want to read it again for the first time Dm G fall in love with the hero again Dm Gsus4 G be charmed by your magic, surprised by your villains Dm G and discover the place where I'm home Dm Gsus4 G Gsus4 G I close the book gently Dm put it back on the shelf A7 the second time's never the same Cm G There's only one cure for Dm that feeling of loss A7 start a new book and Cm G keep looking G I just want to read it again for the first time Dm G fall in love with the hero again Dm Gsus4 G be charmed by your magic, surprised by your villains Dm G and discover the place where I'm home Dm Gsus4 G Gsus4 G where I'm home Dm

War and starvation fill many a hearse Am Em Heart disease takes two lives for every three Dm B E If you die in a car crash, you won't be the first Am Em But I'm hoping there's something less common for me Dm B E I want to die like they do in sci-fi! A E A A really glamourous death, a really famous last breath A E I want to die like they do in sci-fi! A E A I want to do something new, if it's the last thing I do F E A I could be strangled by quantum entanglement Am F Or maybe it turns out that comets cause cancer Dm B E I'll be unspeakably mangled by Lovecraftian angles Am F Or burn in the atmosphere like a star dancer Dm B E I want to die... I'll get lunar silicosis, 307 ale cirrhosis Am F Or crustacean deprivation on the world without shrimp Dm B E Maybe an alien probe will laser my frontal lobe Am F and make me travel back in time to the Hindenberg blimp Dm B E I want to die... I'll be murdered inside a proton super-collider Am F By an evil AI who didn't like my query Dm B E I don't have to decide the best way to have died Am F I'll do it infinite times thanks to many-worlds theory Dm B E I want to die... (guitar break) I want to die... AUGHHHHHHH!